Where were you?
by alisellen96
Summary: After Amy doesn't turn up to their first proper date Jake is annoyed when she turns up at his house in the middle of the night. He demands answers. The story is not what he expected. Rating may change with further chapters. Will contain mentions of certain potentially triggering topics. These will be noted before the first mention of them.
1. Chapter 1

It was half one in the morning and Jake Peralta woke to a banging on his front door. 'Jake it's me, I need to talk to you'. He instantly recognised the voice of his partner Amy Santiagio and immediately felt himself bristle. His mind went back just a few hours to when he was sat at Shaw's all alone waiting for Amy. They'd agreed to go on their first proper date that evening, finally after months and months of sexual tension and chemistry. He had been so nervous and excited but she had stood him up.

'You made your feelings clear earlier Amy. Just go away' he shouted through the door. When it was clear she wouldn't take no for an answer he yanked it open whilst demanding 'where were you? You could have just text me that…' As he caught sight of his partner his rant trailed off 'Jesus. What happened? Are you okay? We need to go to the hospital'

'Jake I'm fine. I had to come and explain to you. I promise I didn't mean to stand you up. I was on my way to the bar when someone shouted that a child was hurt in this alley. It was a lie though, they just wanted to get me off the street to get my purse' Amy said all this without looking at him, a slight tremble in her voice. As she stood eyes cast down towards the floor, blouse torn and bloody and hair wild and tangled. 'I'm so sorry Jake It was all my fault, I was so stupid'.

Jake had just frozen, unable to believe what he was seeing. He had seen Amy in many different ways over their years as partners but never like this; she was always so neat and put together 'No, it's not. Come in and we can talk' Jake murmured reaching out to grasp her arm and tug her gently over the threshold and into his living room. Steering her towards the sofa he finally got a glimpse of her face. A large bruise was already visible under her left eye and it was clear she had been crying. 'Do you want to tell me what happened Ames?'

She looked up and finally met his gaze, biting her lip. 'I was so stupid Jake, I'm a cop. I should know how to avoid this stuff, but I really thought a kid was hurt and I just went down the alley. It would have been fine but when he grabbed my purse I fought him. Only he wasn't alone and they had knives so there was no way I was going to beat them. I reckon if it was just me and him hand to hand I could have taken him mind' she added with a wry smile. 'I think I passed out and when I came round they were gone and had taken my purse which had my phone in. I didn't know what the time was but figured since I was always early and you are always late I'd be able to catch you so I got up and was just on the main sidewalk heading to Shaws but I felt super dizzy and think I passed out again. Next thing I can remember someone had called 911 and I was in the ER. I asked them to call the bar at the hospital but by this time it was gone twelve so you were long gone. I tried calling your number but couldn't remember it right. They patched me up but because I didn't have my wallet or keys I couldn't get home and I knew anyway that i needed to explain to you so I walked over here and here I am. Honestly Jake I'm so sorry I know this must have been awful for you'.

Jake was shocked. He couldn't believe that after all this she was just worried about him. 'No Ames, I'm fine, this wasn't your fault at all. We will catch these guys I promise, and tonight you can stay here. I'll find you something to change into.' His mind was already running through the next steps he would take to make sure his partner was okay.


	2. Chapter 2

The hot water was pounding down in the shower, drowning out the slight groans of pain Amy was making as every movement felt like a knife in her body. She wondered if she was doing the right thing not telling Jake everything. The attackers said that they would know if she did, and whist she knew that they couldn't know if she just told Jake, she didn't want him to look at her with the pity and shame he surely would do if he knew. Yes it was better to stick to just what she had told him. It was easier for both of them that way. The only thing to do now was to convince him going to the police wasn't a good idea. If she made a report about this then the truth would come out fro sure and the men would definitely find out and do god knows what.

'You okay in there Ames?' Jake was clearly concerned about the length of time she was taking in the shower but she just felt so dirty and it wasn't going away no matter how much she scrubbed at her sore skin. 'Yeah, two mins and I'll be out'. She reluctantly stepped out of shower, the stream of water shuddering to a halt. She gingerly wrapped her body in the dark towel she had picked out, hoping that any blood wouldn't stain it. Luckily the hospital had done a good job of suturing her biggest wounds and had given her a supply of waterproof dressings to cover them. Drying her body was painful and difficult to do due to her injured arm but she persisted and then put on the jogging bottoms and old NYPD jumper Jake had got out for her, which thankfully covered up all of the damage to her body. She briefly glanced in the mirror and saw her bruised cheekbone; an obvious signal to the world that she had been hurt. As much as she hated to admit it she realised she was going to need time off work to recover.

Jake waited restlessly on his sofa while Amy was in the bathroom. He couldn't help but think up ways to get revenge on the evil bastards who had hurt his partner. She was putting on a brave face but he could tell that she was really shaken and hurt. In fact he thought he could hear small cries of pain from the bathroom. He shouted through to her to ask if she was okay and was met with a quick reply and soon the noise of the shower grinding to a halt. A few minutes later Amy exited the bathroom dressed in the oversized clothes, her hair wet around her shoulders. She had a smile on her face but it was forced and all she wanted to do was fall into bed and forget the night had ever happened. 'So you can have my bed Ames and I'll take the couch tonight. We can figure everything else out in the morning. That okay?' Jake asked getting up and motioning towards his bedroom.

'No Jake, I can't make you sleep on the couch that's not fair, I've already stood you up and woken you up! You deserve the bed.' Amy protested then hesitated, 'unless, if you want, I mean we could always share the bed? Not in a weird way but it is big enough for two? I totally get it if you don't want to after everything tonight and I'll take the couch but it's an option? I mean a possibility right?' she was babbling awkwardly wondering if it was too forward of her to have suggested it. 'Ames, I want to, I still really like you, romantic stylez. Nothing has changed because of tonight. And don't worry, no sexy timez tonight I know' he grinned easing the tension in the room. 'no sexy timez tonight, title of your sex tape by the way' he added as he saw her smile.

'Thanks Jake, I still like you too.' They made their way to his bedroom to where his rumpled bedding indicated he had indeed been sleeping when she knocked. 'These were fresh on tonight so they're super clean' Jake was glad he'd made that decision, thinking back to the grubby, crumby sheets he'd removed before heading off to the bar earlier that evening. They both got under the covers, not touching but comfortable in each other's presence. Jake reached over to his nightstand and turned off the light plunging them both into darkness.

'Thank you Jake. Goodnight'

'Night Amy. Sleep tight and we'll sort everything in the morning'


	3. Chapter 3

_**NOTE: MENTIONS OF INJURIES AND RAPE.**_

Jake woke suddenly and sat up wondering what it was that had woken him. Maybe the noise he thought he heard was the mice he thought he had got rid of. He made a mental note to take care of his lodger problem without telling Amy. At the thought of his partner he looked over and could make out her outline in the shadowy room. He then realised that she had woken him. She was making soft distressed noises in her sleep that were becoming louder and more intelligible. It became clear that she was having some sort of nightmare, and it didn't take long for him to work out the subject. 'No please don't' she muttered in her sleep. 'Stop. You're hurting me. Please somebody help me'. She was almost crying now as he turned to gently shake her to try to rouse her. 'No NO, NOO. Help' she screamed.

'Amy wake up. You're okay, it's me Jake. You're safe. No-one can hurt you' Jake was upset seeing his partner so scared as he felt helpless. She began to stir but in her confusion of waking she began to struggle against Jake, clearly not fully breaking free from her nightmare. 'Amy, Ames, you're okay' Jake kept murmuring in her ear, not fighting her but letting her come round and orientate herself slowly. As she blinked around the darkness she began to cry. 'Jake I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up. Did I hurt you?' she asked not looking at him.

He cautiously cupped her chin and manoeuvred her face so he could speak to her directly. 'Amy it's fine, I'm fine. You can wake me up whenever you need to, I'm here for you okay.' He felt her relax into him, almost falling against his chest and he just held her not saying anything, knowing she would talk if she wanted to.  
'I was just dreaming I was back in the alley. I was so scared Jake. I've trained for this but still they got me, I can't believe I let myself get into the situation.' She whispered against his chest, feeling safe in his arms, so similar to the muscular arms that had hurt her not long ago, but these were Jake's arms, Jake who she trusted with her life. 'I'm okay though' she added sleepily.

Jake slowly felt her body relaxing as she fell back asleep, much calmer than the panicked woman who he had woken moments ago. He let her lay back down but his thoughts were racing with the thoughts of how to make the men who did this pay. He came face to face with crime and the criminals of Brooklyn daily, but this was different. It was his partner, his friend, they were murmzeep and jinglebin and he hadn't been able to help her.

He got up to go to the kitchen to get a glass of orange soda to help get him back to sleep and ad he did he noticed that the wet patch on his shirt he had assumed was caused by amy's tears was actually dark red in colour. She was bleeding. Dropping the soda back into the fridge he ran back into the bedroom and flicked on the light to reveal more blood on his sheets having seeped through her top. Disturbed by the light she opened her eyes and immediately noticed the blood.

'Oh god. I'm so sorry Jake. I'll buy you new sheets if it stains' She was embarrassed at having ruined his sheets. She leapt out of the bed and groaned as the movement sent jolts of pain through her body. She ran into the bathroom and slammed the door before lifting her shirt to find the source of the bleeding. It was a horrible sight, her bruised and bloodied torso. One of the wounds had been a lot deeper than the others and needed a deeper layer of stitches, and it was this wound that was leaking profusely, dripping out from under the dressing. She winced as she pulled off the sticky adhesive and gingerly cleaned up as best she could using damp toilet paper. She decided she must have pulled out a stitch moving around in her sleep and there was nothing she could do about that so she re-dressed the wound adding a thick layer of toilet paper underneath the adhesive to prevent any leakage again.

She took the time to examine the rest of her stomach and chest, brushing her fingers over the purple bruises flowering over her ribs, running them down over the three dressed cuts and they stopped at her hip bones where yet more bruises were present, disappearing below the waist of the sweats. She then felt a wet trickle run down her thigh so hurried over to the toilet to grab more toilet paper and stuffed this into her underwear, tears forming in her eyes as she wondered how to explain this to Jake. Had he noticed that she had blood on her pants? Maybe not, maybe her secret was still safe. The doctors had told her to expect some bleeding when they did the internal examination and found she was damaged by the rough attack. She had let them take the rape kit but wouldn't consent to her details being passed to police. She couldn't have the precinct knowing that she had been raped, and the men had said that they would find out if she tried to investigate and would go for Gina if she did. She couldn't let that happen. She would have to keep quiet. That was best for everyone


	4. Chapter 4

**NOTE: MENTIONS OF SELF HARM**

For the second time that night Jake found himself shut out of his bathroom, wondering if Amy was okay. He also had the dilemma of what to do with his sheets. He only owned two sets and one of those was already in his laundry pile. He settled for laying a large towel over the stains and hoping that would be okay with Amy. 'Err Jake, do you have something else I could wear? Only this stuff has blood on. Don't worry I will clean it all for you.'

'yeah sure don't worry about it. Let me just find something' He hurried over to his wardrobe hunting for clothes that wouldn't completely swap his tiny partner. Was it weird if he gave her a shirt and boxers? He didn't have any other sweats that would fit her. 'Amy would you be okay with boxers and a shirt?' he called through to her grabbing a pair.

'That's fine, thank you!' she replied sticking her head round the bathroom door and taking the clothes he offered. 'so sorry for all this, you go back to bed and I'll be there in a minute. Promise I won't bleed everywhere this time either.' 'Haha probably best, I'm running out of clothes to give you, soon you'll have to just wear my old beat cop uniform!' he shouted through the door as he returned back to bed, leaving the light on so Amy wouldn't have to come back to darkness.

She heard Jake move back into the bedroom and she let the jokey façade drop as tears rolled down her cheek. The reality of what had happened was beginning to sink in. Her body no longer felt like hers and she just wanted to scrub her skin off. Not knowing how to process the emotions she was experiencing she removed the dressing from one of the smaller wounds and without thinking used her nails to dig into the cut. She stifled a cry as the pain caused her stomach to tense up. But the pain made sense to her, she could see it and she could control it. Maybe this was the way to stop herself going crazy, just for the moment as she dealt with what had happened. Maybe if she controlled her pain she would be okay. Nothing would be able to hurt her without her permission. Testing her theory she pressed hard on her injured ribs, the pain sharp and severe throughout her chest. But it was a relief, it was normal, she was expecting it. She was okay. Quickly redressing her cut after one last dig with her nail, she changed into the clean clothes and glanced around the room making sure it was clean before shutting off the light and quietly making her way back to the room where Jake had already fallen asleep.

She got into bed, thankful that Jake had covered up the blood with a towel, and turned off the light he had left on. Despite thinking it would be difficult to sleep again, she quickly drifted off but was soon disturbed by the events of the evening replaying in her mind as a nightmare. She was running and running but the alley never ended. The footsteps close behind her were fast and heavy, the breathing hard and irregular. A rough hand grabbed her wrist and swung her round so she was facing the monster. His breath was foul on her face and his grip was painfully tight. She struggled and struggled but the grip just tightened, his face sneering and inching ever closer. 'You're mine now Amy, I can have you however I want and you can't stop me. Let's start shall we.' She tried to scream but no sound came out. She couldn't move and could only lie there as the attack happened. She wished she had Jake there, he would stop this and make everything better.

Jake woke up to sunlight streaming through a gap in the curtains and was puzzled for a moment as to why he couldn't move. A smile formed as he saw Amy was curled into him, arm tight around his chest. Looking at her as she slept he felt something stir deep within him. A feeling he couldn't put a name to and wasn't sure he was ready to acknowledge. She stirred and looked up at him through sleepy eyes. 'Morning' he said cheerily, 'want me to get you some breakfast?' 'Good morning, I can help, what are we having?' she replied, sitting up and rubbing her face. 'No offence Ames but I think I'll do the cooking!' he joked.

As Jake padded through to the kitchen Amy tentatively checked for signs of bleeding. Thankfully the job she had done last night was good enough. Nevertheless she reluctantly got up, wincing at the stiffness in her body, and headed to the bathroom. She had stopped bleeding into her underwear so was able to discard the tissue she had there. The rest of her injuries looked fine and she didn't need to do anything. She splashed her face with cold water hoping it would make her feel able to face the day. When it didn't she turned the shower on cold and hopped in, bracing herself against the numbingly cold water. But it didn't feel cold to her, she couldn't feel anything really. She felt numb, emotionally and physically. Without consciously thinking about it, she decided to try something she hadn't done in years.

No-one in her life knew about teenage Amy's problem with self-harm, she had even then been cautious to make sure she would be able to hide any damage. Since moving away from the bullies at her high school she had slowly got over her problem and didn't need it anymore. It had been years since she had deliberately taken a knife to her skin. Leaving the shower running she looked around the bathroom and quickly found what she was looking for-a box of disposable razors. Within seconds she had dismantled it and was left holding the shiny blade in her hand. Cautiously at first she dragged it over her skin gasping at the pain, then basking in the relief it brought. She made more and more cuts before she remembered she was in Jake's bathroom and wasn't a teenager anymore. Horrified at what she had done she used one of the dressings form the hospital to cover her cuts and wrapped the blade in tissue before pushing it to the back of the cabinet. She flicked off the shower and got redressed before heading to the kitchen where she could smell eggs and bacon.


	5. Chapter 5

After that first night at his, he had driven her to her friend Kylie's to pick up her spare keys, and then on to her apartment so she could pick up clothes and toiletries before heading back to Jakes. They hadn't really had to discuss it, both of them felt better being together and it made sense to be at Jakes as he had more food.

Amy didn't want to talk about what had happened, saying it was over and she was fine, but every night she woke up panicked. The fifth night was particularly bad when Jake had woken to Amy still asleep thrashing around on the bed, begging someone to stop hurting her. He had gotten used to waking her and holding her till she fell back asleep but this time she woke breathless unable to catch her breath. She kept repeating 'I didn't want to, I didn't want to' whilst gasping for air.

'Amy breathe, you're okay' he said calmly, sitting up and grasping her by the shoulders. She flinched at his touch and seemed to panic more, eyes wild and not seeing. He let her go and just kept talking to her, watching helplessly as she rocked herself, hands over her ears the events of that night replaying loudly in her head. She eventually calmed down and her breathing became normal. Jake then reached for her and pulled her close, placing small kisses on her forehead. She lifted her head to look at him, 'its always okay when I know you're here Jake' she said gazing into his eyes. He lowered his face to hers and gently kissed her. She froze for a moment before responding, lips moving against his in perfect synchrony. He tilted his head, deepening the kiss and she sighed, opening her mouth up to him, inviting him in.

They had kissed many times before by this point, but this felt different; more intense. His hand stroked lightly up her spine as hers tangled in his hair. Suddenly he felt her push him down onto the bed and she straddled him, breaking off the kiss to look at him. 'You okay?' he asked. 'Yeah I'm good, I really like you Jake' she replied, leaning back in to kiss him lightly before moving down to the soft skin at his neck. He groaned quietly as she licked and sucked at his neck, feeling his blood starting to flood south. His hands had been lying by his side but he began to run them up her sides, careful not to be too rough. He made his way under her pyjama shirt to caress the soft caramel skin beneath, feeling the dressings covering her wounds which he had yet to actually see. She gasped as his palm brushed against her hard nipple and he began to gently rub it, fuelling the small fire she felt burning in the pit of her stomach. His second hand moved up, pulling her top up and over her head allowing his mouth to close over her other breast. He flipped them so he was on top and was able to better continue his exploration of her body. Tears pricked his eyes as he saw that most of her stomach was covered with medical tape, and he made a point to gently kiss each injury. Amy was starting to roll her hips as he made his way further down to the top of her pants. Hooking his fingers under the waistband he looked at her, question in his eyes. She nodded, biting her lip as she raised her hips to help him rid her of her pants. Throwing them over his shoulder he kissed his way back up her legs, frowning as his hands ran over bumpy sin by her hips. He glanced at what he was feeling and immediately knew it was old self-inflicted scars. He didn't say anything just continued working his way towards where she wanted him.

He moved slowly, running his tongue up the length of her heat tasting her unique taste. She gasped and bucked up against him, moving a hand back to his hair to guide him to where was best for her. As her found her nub he drew it into his mouth gently swirling his tongue around it. Responding to her body movements and noises he continued to lick and suck at her, then slowly pushed into her with his index finger. 'Jake yes' she cried, pushing back against him as he added a second finger, curling them inside her in a come-hither motion. He was building up speed matching his tongue and his finger and he felt her fingers tighten in his hair, her thighs clamp around his head and her inner walls pulse against his fingers. She rode the wave of pleasure that flooded through her before pulling Jake up to kiss him, revelling in the taste of herself on his lips. After a few moments she had caught her breath enough to help him remove his top before reaching down to run her hands over the bulge in his pants. He kissed her chastely as she pushed down his pants and moaned as she took him in her hand, slowly moving up and down his shaft. 'Condom?' she murmured and he reached into the bedside cabinet and quickly tore open the packet and rolled it over himself. He was about to push into her when he saw her tense and he stopped. 'Hey, what is it?' he asked, concerned. 'Nothing I'm fine, but do you think I could be on top? Just I feel more comfortable like that' she replied looking embarrassed. 'Amy that's fine, you know it's hot that you know what you like and want.' He said as he lay down allowing her to lower herself onto him. He had to resist the urge to thrust up into her, and instead he let her take control, finding a speed and rhythm that worked for her. As the pace picked up, he heard himself start grunting in time with the movements and allowed himself to start meeting her. His hand moved to between their bodies to rub her and help bring her back to the point of climax. Just then she leant back, changing the angle and tipping him over the edge. He came with a stifled cry as he felt her pulse around him and collapse on top of him sweaty and breathless. 'That was amazing Amy. You're amazing'

When he had recovered he discarded the condom and pulled the covers over them, wondering how best to ask about her scars. 'Amy, Can I ask you something?' he said into the darkness, and felt her nod in response. 'It's okay if you don't want to talk about it but I noticed you have old scars, did, did you hurt yourself?' he asked tentatively. She tensed slightly in his arms, a natural defence whenever anything around self-harm came up around her. She nodded again, turning to mutter into his chest 'I had a hard time in school and found this way to cope. But I promise I'm okay now Jake'.

'Okay, well I'm here if you ever want to talk about it, and if you ever feel like that again you can speak to me. I'm here for you Amy.' He tried not to let the emotion into his voice, not wanting to upset her. Instead he just held her close and pressed his face into her hair. He was hoping that the mugging wouldn't cause her to resort back to old coping methods. He would just have to keep an eye on her and be there for her.


	6. Chapter 6

When they woke up the next morning it was Amy's second day back at work. She had insisted that he didn't tell anyone at work what really happened, and instead say she was ill. He had wanted to investigate and catch the men responsible but she had argued that there was no evidence, CCTV or witnesses, and that she was embarrassed, had cancelled all her cards and replaced her phone. She had said she just wanted to forget about it and move on. He had to respect her wishes and her decision despite him wanting to find the men and rip their heads off. The bruise on her cheek had all but gone and with the help of concealer it was unnoticeable.

Captain Holt called Amy and Rosa into his office to assign them a new sensitive case. 'We would not normally get a case like this' Holt said in his deep voice 'but the victim has connections to the special victims unit so it would be inappropriate for them to investigate. They have handed it to us, and I have chosen you two as the most suitable detectives to work it. I know you will bring results.'

'Sure captain. We got this' said Rosa, taking the file he was holding out and turning towards the door. 'Is the victim in the building?' 'I believe she is in the interview room.' Holt replied.

Amy was struggling to stay composed. A special victim's case, she knew that meant it would be a form of sexual violence. She wasn't sure she would be able to handle the case, but there was no way for her to get off it without revealing the truth and that just wasn't an option. No she was a strong woman. She could do this. After a quick glance through the file, it looked like it was going to be a fairly simple case, so it wouldn't be long and then she could truly move on and forget all about it.

Jake had spent the day with Boyle, wrapping up a case about a new gang that had recently popped up. He was waiting for Amy to finish up so they could drive back to his apartment, and enjoy the two days off they both had. Diaz walked into the room, and started to tell Jake about the poor woman she and Amy had spent the day interviewing and the man they had picked up for rape and assault. Jake was just about to ask where Amy was when his phone buzzed and he looked down to see a text from Amy saying she had gone home and wouldn't see him tonight. He said goodbye to Rosa and headed down to his car, replying to Amy, asking if she was okay and if she wanted to do something tomorrow.

Amy had made it through the gruelling day, and as soon as they had finished she hurried home where she could break down without anyone seeing. It had been so hard listening to a woman describe almost exactly what had happened to her that night, whilst trying to stay professional and ask the right questions. It had been even harder when they went to pick up the perp, a man the woman knew from her gym class. She had wanted to throttle him, seeing in him the face of her attackers. As soon as she got home she raced to the bathroom and reached for her razor, sighing in relief as the tension from the day was eased slightly with the spilling of blood. She wasn't going to be able to sleep tonight and wondered if she had made the right decision being alone.

After a couple of hours without a reply form Amy Jake decided to give her a call, it was just unlike her not to respond. She picked up and answered cheerily. 'Hey just wanted to check in with you, Rosa said you had a tough day' 'What, what did she say? I'm fine!' Amy shrieked, panicking at the thought that Rosa knew her secret and had told Jake. 'Hey hey, it's okay, she just said it was a tough case you guys had.' He said, confused at her startled response, once again feeling that she was hiding something from him but not knowing how to ask. 'oh yeah of course, it wasn't a fun one, some cases are just a bit harder to deal with than others but I'm fine. Just tired from the day it was intense' she replied shakily, trying to cover that she was furiously struggling to keep a calm and steady voice. 'I'll come over tomorrow Jake, and we can finally finish desperate housewives!' she added, and he reluctantly agreed and they said goodbye.

After a sleepless night filled with panic, nightmares and attempts at coping, Amy turned up at Jakes apartment with a bag of popcorn and a bottle of orange soda. 'I got hem just for you' she said, smiling at his delighted expression. The settled on the sofa and began the last few episodes of the season. They gradually moved closer and Amy ended up curled comfortably into Jakes side feeling rather sleepy. Jake noticed around an hour in that Amy had dozed off and was sleeping soundly in his lap. He wondered how little sleep she must have gotten that night to be tired so early in the day. It only increased his worry when her top moved up and revealed a new dressing on her stomach. His heart sunk as he realized what this probably meant, and he had to resist the urge to hug her tightly at the thought of her hurting herself.

Careful not to wake her, he slowly moved out from under her and went to the bathroom where he sat wondering how to help his hurting girlfriend. As a distraction he started rummaging through the cabinet above the sink, looking for the basic first aid kit he was sure he had in there. He thought he would leave the antiseptic out so she could at least heal properly. As he dug through the junk on the shelf, his had closed around a tissue, He pulled it out and threw it in the trash almost missing the small piece of silver that tumbled out of it onto the floor. He gulped as he realised that this must mean she had hurt herself whilst she was staying at his and that broke his heart. Tears rolled down his cheek as he asked how his confident partner had been reduced to his and why she couldn't tell him. Just then he was brought back to the moment by a cry from the couch, as Amy was once again disturbed with a nightmare. He headed back to comfort her, holding her as she woke shouting 'I don't want to'. She sat up and blinked, taking a moment to take in the surroundings.

'Jake are you crying?' she asked, touching his damp cheek with her fingers. 'I'm just sad for you' he said, looking her in the eye, 'why didn't you tell me it was this bad?' She looked puzzled and went ot ask what he meant but he continued 'You're hurting yourself again aren't you? Talk to me Ames, tell me how I can help' he said. She bit her lip and dipped her head, tears spilling out of her eyes. 'What do you mean Jake? I'm fine' she tried to protest, but he just lifted her shirt gently, and slowly peeled back the dressings she had there. He was horrified with what he saw, horrified that she felt that way about herself, horrified that she had though that this was the only thing that could help her. Surrounding each of what he assumed were the original injuries were several cuts, varying in stages of healing, size and depth. The newest ones were angry, deep and red, still oozing blood. But worst of all was the cuts under her ribs. They were the lightest and most superficial, but were clearly arranged to spell out 'dirty'. 'Amy no' he cried, 'I'm so sorry, I should have seen you were struggling but I didn't. Why have you written this?'

She was crying now, hiding her face in her hands. 'I can't tell you Jake. I'm sorry but I can't. And I know that this isn't healthy but I'm trying so hard.'

Suddenly a horrible thought entered Jake's head as he thought back to her shouts of 'I don't want to' in her sleep, her difficulty with the rape case and the word he had etched into her skin. He froze, not wanting it to be true, not wanting to have to ask her but knowing that it was important he did. 'Ames, that night, when you were mugged. Those men did more than just take your purse and beat you up didn't they?' he asked softly. She made no noise in response, and he wondered if she had even heard him. 'Amy, did they rape you?' he asked, keeping his voice even. 'Jake you can't tell anyone. Please, I'm sorry and I'll go if you want me to but ease don't tell anyone' she begged. 'I know I should have told you and I know I shouldn't have had sex with you without telling you I'm sorry but I couldn't say. Do you hate me?' she asked.

'God Amy no. I hate them for sure, but you, never. I am so sorry that this has happened to you. Obviously I won't do anything or say anything you don't want me to. Have you told anyone?' 'At the hospital they did a rape kit but I said that I didn't want to involve the police. There won't be any evidence Jake. They knew what they were doing. They said not to tell anyone because they would know. They have people everywhere Jake. You can't tell anyone. Please Jake.'


End file.
